So Derric’s birthday party came and went. It’s been one of the longest weekends I’ve had in a long time. Let’s start from the beginning.

Friday evening I go to pick up his cake from the bakery and pay it off or so I thought. She sits the cake down on the counter and it’s wrong. Wrong as in, it’s the not the design we picked out and it looked thrown together. So I tell her, this aint right and for the cake to cost $71 it needs to be perfect. I immediately call his dad who is the one who was physically there and put the order in (I was on the phone with him when he did it) and tell him we have a problem. So I argue with her about what image is supposed to be there versus what they have on there. What’s there is a janky ass image of Spiderman throwing a web, when there’s supposed to be Spiderman and green gobblin toys on the cake fighting. Then this looney bitch is telling me it’s another $17.25 for toys. I politely hand her my cell phone and tell her, “It’s for you.” I’m not sure what Joe (baby daddie) said to her, but she handed me my phone back and started ringing up a void slip so I could get my $25 deposit back. She asks me, “so your not going to have a cake for your son’s birthday?” Oh we’ll have a cake, but it will be done by a person who can comprehend simple directions and follow through and that’s exactly what I told her! I take my $$ and leave out of Merritt Bakery pissed then a mutha, then reality sets in…. it’s almost 7:00pm on a Friday and I have no cake for my son’s party the next day.

Now I’m going to have to get up 6am on Saturday and go from Albertson’s to Safeway trying to see if they’ll make my baby a cake last minute. 5:50am my cell phone rings. My cousin’s making sure I’m up and she decides she’ll call places close to her and I’ll check out the grocery stores near my brother’s house (where I was staying). The 1^st Safeway I went to the lady in bakery nearly laughed at me. She says there’s only one decorator working and there are 30 orders for that day already. Dayum, Dayum, Dayum! The next place, “we need at least 24 hr notice.” So now I’m starting to panic and just as I’m pulling into the next store my cousin calls and is like don’t bother going there, I’ve already called. 5 mins later she calls back, She found someone that can have it done by 11am!?!?!?! WOOOHOOO?!?!?! So I go back to my brother’s house and start cooking. About 8:30 Derric gets up out of bed and comes in the front room and lies in my lap. Oh Lawd Not NOW?!?!? The boy is burning up. He says he doesn’t feel good. So he lies on the couch, where he continues to lay, so I know he’s serious. It’s almost time to go and I want him to eat a lil something before I drop him off with my cousin so I give him some fruit. Not 5 minutes in her house my niece comes running from the bathroom, “Derric thru up!” NOT TODAY!?!?!?!? I run to the store and get him a 7Up. I didn’t just want to leave him, but I had to get the cake and balloons and set up at the park and the party started in 2 hrs.

So now I’m headed to get the cake and the clock is ticking. Now I make it to the Store in kool time and I’m telling the lady the name on the cake and she’s in the back for an unusually long ass time. My heart starts beating hella hard. If something goes wrong with this cake, We’re gonna be shit outta luck on a birthday cake. She comes back and says are you sure you’re at the right Safeway. HUH? There’s another one on this same street? I’ll be damned if I wasn’t at the wrong freakin location. Another 15 minutes, before I get to the right location and get the cake, which may I add was perfect! Great, now I’ve got the cake and all I need are balloons, which went off without a hitch. Darn near 12 and the party starts in ½ and I’m up the street from the park.

My niece and I pull into the parking lot at Kennedy Park and I’m looking around at all the reserved tables, and i'm like I don’t see any empty ones. Mind you his dad paid $68 already to reserve 4 tables near the train. I get a map and start walking towards Elm Crest, the area we reserved and there are ppl sitting there, I mean actually having a party there. Ain’t This Bout A Bitch?!?! I turn around and ask for the manager of the park cause I need my tables to set up the party. This tangled tooth hoe comes telling me some shit about Hayward Department of Recreation and Parks never notified her of my date change. See originally Derric’s party was on the 3^rd, but I called to see if I could change it the 2^nd and was told yes and the changes were suppose to have been made, but weren’t. She tells me I’m welcome to any of the other tables that are in the park. So I tell her “your getting ahead of yourself, gimmie my dayum $68 back that I paid to reserve the nice tables.” Before I know it, it’s 1:14pm. My brother talks to the lady and again, there’s nothing she can do.

Please excuse this, but I’m about to go on a serious ass rampage right now….

Yesterday was my little cousin La’Mun’s 1st birthday party. His mother is my cousin and she warned us about the daddies’ side, but I still wasn’t prepared for the events that unfolded…

1^st of all, the party started at 4:00pm, Roundtable Pizza in Pinole. 3 of my cousins (2 of La’Muns aunties & 1 of their sons) Derric and myself are the only guests until 5:30. Mind you I understand black folks are always late, but she only has the area for 2 hrs, so u would think they would be on time right? Hell nah! So then these muthasuckas start trickling and not speaking, I mean seriously mean muggin. “BITCH?!?!?” Getcha mind right! This is a child’s party and true you don’t know us and we dang sho don’t know you, but put that hard as nails bullshit in ya back pocket and sit on it hoe! So now we’re divided, his side and her side. Then I’m noticing that the only presents that are on the table came from my cousin and me. Now it’s a steady flow of kids coming up the stairs and only about 5 adults. So I’m wondering who and where are the people responsible for all these lil heathens. Do you know people we’re dropping their kids off?!?!!?!? What fucking part of the game is that? You drop the child off at a birthday party? And who suppose to watch that lil crumbsnatcha? I mean you could come up and speak or at least see La’Mun. Now back to these kids! These lil Negro’s must have skipped a few meals; cause the pizza was gone before it hit the table! Literally! These were the most ghetto bunch of kids I have even had the misfortune of being around. There was a little boy there that I just wanted to go to town on?!!?!?!? He was picking his nose, put his hand in the cake, running ppl over, whatever was possible for this lil boy to do…he did. And to top it off the lil Negro’s name was “Pippy”; don’t just scream lil badass muthaphucka? And the cold thing was, no one said anything to this young purse snatcha in trainin?!?!? Oh yea, did I mention, the gift table didn’t get any fuller… All these ppl and no gifts? Some chick sittin in the corner ask my cousin what size La’Mun wear. Bitch u should have been asked that. To make a very long story short, his only gifts came from us. Had we not been there, he wouldn’t have gotten anything. Then when we ask his momma what’s up with them not bring no gifts, she tells us some bullshit about them being some broke people who never have money. Hold the fuck up!?!?!?! Every kid in there was wearing Rocawear, Phat Farm and Ecko. The shit may have been dirty and dusty, but never mind you it was what it was, some name brand gear! And u telling me they couldn’t go to wal-mart or target and get La’Mun something, PLEEEEEEEEASE! I aint biting.  Someone tell me how it is, that I bring two gifts and his auntie brought 3, but when we left we had to go to Popeye’s and them other niggas looked like they were gonna explode? We already told her, next year, we can do something with just us for his party. If his daddie wanna throw something for his ppls, then let him do that, but we don’t need to comingle no more!